January 20, 2014

I found myself on the phone whining to a friend today.  It is good to have friends that you can call when you need support.  Friends that don't judge and know exactly where you are coming from.  Friends that you can feel free to tell your innermost thoughts to; even when those thoughts reveal parts of you that are not so glamorous.  That's where I found myself today...on the phone feeling sorry for myself.  Here I am 20 days into the new year and I feel like a drug addict needing my next fix.  My drug is not an illegal substance.  My drug of choice, the one that brings me a pleasure that I cannot define, is the simple act of going out to eat.  And what is even more sad is that I realize that I feel 'entitled' to the "not so occasional" meal out.  After all, don't I serve others all the time?  Don't I deserve to have a meal prepared and served to me?  Oh, the pleasure that it brings me.  And you know what else?  It doesn't even have to be a good meal.  I will take a mediocre meal with great service any day of the week.  I LOVE to be served.  So, there it is.  It's sad.  It's out.  I need a 12 step program.