January 14, 2014

It has been two weeks since I started serving 'intentionally'.  I have baked bread, packed lunches, and made meals from scratch.  I have heard from both Hannah and Jacob, "Why are you making such big meals?"  Funny, they aren't anything extraordinary.  But in the past, it wasn't unusual for dinner to be a 'make it yourself' night which could range anywhere from a bowl of cereal to mac-n-cheese to anything that you could heat up from the freezer.  Somehow, night after night, dinnertime would come as a surprise to me.  "What?  I have to cooker dinner again?  How does that keep happening?"

I have had a few different answers to 'why'.  The first time I was asked, I said, "I'm just trying to be a better mom."  Most recently, while sitting at the dinner table, I said, "Well, I am trying to be a better mom, a better wife, a better servant to God."  Danny wasn't home for dinner that night and I said to the kids, "You know how daddy always talks about how wonderful his mom cooked?  Wouldn't it be nice if when you grow up you have memories like that?"  They all laughed.  But it's true.  Danny holds onto some very wonderful memories of his mom and although my kids never had the opportunity to meet her, I'll just bet that if they were asked to tell you something that they knew about their grandma, they would most certainly tell you that she was a good cook and that their daddy loved her very much.  How wonderful is that?  That Danny has instilled memories, fond memories, of his mom in his children even though they have never met her.

I have to tell you, this fixing dinner thing every night is very time consuming; especially since I am trying really hard to make everything from scratch.  There are days when I get the kids to school and then spend the next four hours in the kitchen prepping dinner.  I feel very accomplished at night serving my family a nice meal, but I am failing everywhere else.

On my list of things to do was:  spend more time with God, exercise and get in shape, work two hours a day for Danny's business and keep a clean house.  I downloaded a bible app to my phone and I am supposed to read a small portion of the bible every day.  I found that I can actually 'listen' to it and that has been very helpful.  I can turn it on while I'm cooking or while I'm waiting in car rider line.  But even with the simplicity of having it on my phone and the ability to listen instead of read, there are days that I forget and then I have to play catch up the next day.  And exercise...now that's just a joke.  I did 20 sit-ups yesterday.  That's it!  In 14 days, I did 20 sit-ups.  I think Danny's business has gotten a total of 1 hour spread out over the two weeks.  I have 'thought' about things that should/could do, but I have put nothing in action.  And as far as the house goes, I have kept up with the laundry.

I think a big part of my problem is Facebook.  I have become an addict.  So, starting tomorrow I will not sign onto Facebook until after Noon and even then, I will not spend more than 20 minutes.  I will not spend more than 1 hour on Facebook in a day and I will never sign on from my phone.  Sadly, I know this will be difficult.  But I have committed it to paper and now I am accountable.